In story terms, I think you've got an anti-climax in ACT 3. Yes, he gets out in the nick of time, but so what. I'm wondering if you're making the most of your cosmetic surgery setting? I'm wondering if you might use your miniature frogman as an explanation for when 'plastic surgery goes wrong' - for example, imagine what happens to someone if the frogman doesn't get out in time before he regrows: would you get something like this?!
You see, I can imagine a tweak to your story, so we don't know the nature of the surgery taking place; it's all treated very seriously, like an action adventure film; the frogman goes in etc. but at the last minute, he get's stuck inside - disaster - and then we pan out, the audience is shown we're in a cosmetic surgery clinic, and we suddenly realise the *real* cause behind all those awful giant lip mistakes the Hollywood celebrities have - you might like to think of it as an 'origin story' for plastic surgery gone bad... My point is that I don't think your current story has an 'ending' in the sense that it feels satisfying; right now, it just feels as if your story comes to end, and that's not quite the same thing.
Re. your various designs; I'm going to be completely honest with you Jacky because, at this stage, it's important that I am: you've got a few very basic pencil drawings here and that's all, so I don't think they're designs in the way an art department would understand. You'll remember that last term students were challenged to create 100 + thumbnails, just so they could get lots of alternate ideas out on the page, thus killing off the boring, generic and ordinary stuff really early on. That expectation hasn't disappeared in term 2; the expectation is that students make lots of designs, and refine those designs in the search for something original, striking and strong.
I want to see you identify a style for your animation, Jacky - a visual concept, a colour palette, a time period, a sense of what makes it unique and different. Take a look at these examples of model sheets and production art etc. for a better sense of what we're looking for:
I really think it's time you moved away from drawing in pencil, Jacky - I want you to working in Sketch Book Pro - as Simon demonstrated - and make use of the tools in there that will enable you to create cleaner, more sophisticated designs for high-tech kit etc. I'm also interested in seeing digitally painting colour concept art for your vision of being inside the body. It's time to move way from a4 sheets of paper and grey pencil - especially in light of my previous comment re. the quality of the scans/photos you're publishing. I suggest you cut out the paper/scan/photo bit and seek to work digitally instead.
1 comment:
OGR 05/02/2015
Hi Jacky,
In story terms, I think you've got an anti-climax in ACT 3. Yes, he gets out in the nick of time, but so what. I'm wondering if you're making the most of your cosmetic surgery setting? I'm wondering if you might use your miniature frogman as an explanation for when 'plastic surgery goes wrong' - for example, imagine what happens to someone if the frogman doesn't get out in time before he regrows: would you get something like this?!
http://cdn06.realitynation.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/jackie-stallone.png
You see, I can imagine a tweak to your story, so we don't know the nature of the surgery taking place; it's all treated very seriously, like an action adventure film; the frogman goes in etc. but at the last minute, he get's stuck inside - disaster - and then we pan out, the audience is shown we're in a cosmetic surgery clinic, and we suddenly realise the *real* cause behind all those awful giant lip mistakes the Hollywood celebrities have - you might like to think of it as an 'origin story' for plastic surgery gone bad... My point is that I don't think your current story has an 'ending' in the sense that it feels satisfying; right now, it just feels as if your story comes to end, and that's not quite the same thing.
Re. your various designs; I'm going to be completely honest with you Jacky because, at this stage, it's important that I am: you've got a few very basic pencil drawings here and that's all, so I don't think they're designs in the way an art department would understand. You'll remember that last term students were challenged to create 100 + thumbnails, just so they could get lots of alternate ideas out on the page, thus killing off the boring, generic and ordinary stuff really early on. That expectation hasn't disappeared in term 2; the expectation is that students make lots of designs, and refine those designs in the search for something original, striking and strong.
I want to see you identify a style for your animation, Jacky - a visual concept, a colour palette, a time period, a sense of what makes it unique and different. Take a look at these examples of model sheets and production art etc. for a better sense of what we're looking for:
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ba/89/44/ba894483af14554ace0225f4aac5ed3f.jpg
http://indulgy.ccio.co/79/gC/y7/4039870290436194520jRwKtoWc.jpg
http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130901202920/mega-mind/images/6/6f/Brainbots_robot_Sullivan.jpg
I really think it's time you moved away from drawing in pencil, Jacky - I want you to working in Sketch Book Pro - as Simon demonstrated - and make use of the tools in there that will enable you to create cleaner, more sophisticated designs for high-tech kit etc. I'm also interested in seeing digitally painting colour concept art for your vision of being inside the body. It's time to move way from a4 sheets of paper and grey pencil - especially in light of my previous comment re. the quality of the scans/photos you're publishing. I suggest you cut out the paper/scan/photo bit and seek to work digitally instead.
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